We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
