The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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