She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
