checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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