I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
