I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So. Much. Porn.
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