My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
