Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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