My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
