btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
