i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
