btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
