can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
