I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
