how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Randomize
