I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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