watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
