you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
