hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Randomize
