And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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