I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
