my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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