Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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