I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
