I skipped work to stalk him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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