matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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