ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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