Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
