i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
