ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
