I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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