Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
