Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
