Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my god I love twenty year old dicks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
