I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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