so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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