omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
