have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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