I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
