it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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