I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Someone shit on the floor
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
