Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
