winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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