Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
