drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
