I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
