I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
