There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
