I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
