Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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