i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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